CAUTION:  If symptoms persist, call your Doctor...and your lawyer. 

At the risk of alienating clients and friends both old and new I must admit to seldom wearing deodorant. Blame it on those old reports claiming that aluminum in deodorants caused Alzheimer’s disease, various cancers and (unfathomably) excessive sweating.  Turns out that these reports were largely incorrect, but today, alarming new evidence has surfaced that vindicates my many years of unscented sweatiness. According to these revealing new Old Spice ads, deodorant is far more dangerous than previously thought.  These riveting un-retouched images prove for once and for all that prolonged exposure to deodorant causes the following symptoms:

Grotesque, leech-like white growths the size of Mount Matterhorn

Even more grotesque green, blue and white growths the size of Fiji

Painful smatterings of clipped chest hair on pasty white skin

Uncontrollable bouts of hilarity